What are Your Honest Feelings and Thoughts About Your Ability to Change?

Wow. Huh. Honest? Hmm. Not sure where to even start!! I suppose of primary import is the mental/spiritual/emotional type of change, not the physical. So in that regard, OH have I changed!

I once was a scrooge. I was greedy and stingy. I saved my money--and conveniently left it at home when I went shopping. It was at my very core to keep that money (and the power and freedom that went along with it) close and safe. Not that saving, thriftiness and prudence are bad things! But when it prevents a generous spirit, when it becomes an idol, when it strips you down and prevents you from becoming reliant and faithful to God--then we have a problem.

And I did.

I was never "taught" to tithe. My parents practiced (and still do) immense generosity to both their children and extended families. But they did so discreetly. It wasn't until after I was married that I even learned that they regularly gave support to family members in need. They have worked hard, planned well, saved well. And some in our family have not been able to; the cards they were dealt, well, they weren't a royal flush. More like a royal flush down the toilet.

I wish I had known of my parents' generosity, love, and loyalty sooner. We didn't go to church, so there was no formal tithing to witness. I believe they used/still use their financial assistance to family as their own mechanism of tithing. They weren't giving to God, but they were helping widows and orphans as He commanded.

But, I didn't know. So when I became a believer, I had no clue how to be generous. It was against my very nature. I don't think I ever even wanted to become more generous. I certainly don't remember making a conscious decision to give more freely or trying to force that change. But somehow, somewhere along the way, God has changed my nature. He has taken my gut reactions, like saying no to all donation requests, keeping all of my income for myself, and spending as little as possible. And He has transformed them into a generous more generous spirit.

That's not to say there aren't still times when my old greed doesn't resurface.

Whew...more than a little off topic!!

I guess what this all says is that I didn't initiate the change. He did. The changes in my life which I have initiated have either failed or regressed with time. The change that God has initiated through my faith and relationship with Him have stuck. And they weren't even intentional!

Imagine what I can do with being intentional in following heart-level changes that He initiates!!

God leads this process. He drives the Transformation Train. I have to surrender myself to Him. I have to let go and let Him do His work in me.